


contact insanity

by harezora



Series: unravel [3]
Category: Karneval
Genre: Inspired by Tokyo Ghoul, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-06 11:31:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4220079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harezora/pseuds/harezora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A direct continuation of 'the truth's in a freeze'. Yogi tries to get his memories back from his other self, who warns him of all the unpleasant consequences that may occur.</p><p>Inspired by Tokyo Ghoul:re Chapter 32</p>
            </blockquote>





	contact insanity

**Author's Note:**

> I'll write something happier next time and update 'of gold and silver', I promise. Just that too much Tokyo Ghoul feels recently whoops. And I really wanted to explore the idea of flashbacks with neck pains ouch. 
> 
> This fic also explores the concept of how real is Yogi, the Circus fighter we've come to know. Official fanbook says that this name had been given by Hirato with feeling of 'on the second ship, a new life begins'... which kind of implies that the Yogi we know has only existed for 11 years if we think about it. Just some food for thought.
> 
> Recently, the manga seems to be moving in a more serious direction with more information. I like it and I hope we find out more about how the government really is...
> 
> Once again, italics refer to silver!Yogi. I tried to make this seem more like a fic but I still think it's more of a meta orz.

Even though Yogi was expert at masking his emotions and concealing things from others, it was inevitable that the others eventually knew that many things had changed in Yogi since the most recent mission.

For one thing, the pupils of his eyes were now red instead of black. Just like the silver-haired split personality of his. There was no hiding of that. Who Yogi was very much aware of now, instead of being completely unaware that he had a split personality previously.

He had been called to a meeting with Hirato, Tsukitachi and Akari shortly after that mission. They had many long overdue explanations to do. To the three of them, they knew that this day would eventually come, but it did not make it any easier to explain the truth.

The patch that Yogi wore usually could no longer suppress his post-human cells and let him stay in an artificially induced human state. This was because the divide between his human and post-human sides had been broken down, thus causing his previously dormant powers to be awakened.

The only way to revert Yogi to this artificial human state was to create that divide in his mind again. Which had the side effect of tampering with memories, as shown by how this procedure caused Yogi to not remember anything from before Circus took him.

Everyone agreed that this was not a viable option at all. Yogi himself was definitely unwilling to forget all his precious memories of the times he spent with everyone. To the doctor and the captains who had watched him grow for the past eleven years, Yogi was now able to decide such big decisions for himself and it would also hurt tremendously if Yogi completely forgot about them.

Then there was the subject of those lost memories that Yogi had yet to remember. Upon bringing it up, the careful expressions of the other three older adults had changed to show sadness. Akari looked away from Yogi and to his paperwork. Tsukitachi sighed. Yogi noticed tears forming at Hirato’s eyes. But as fast as they formed, the captain blinked them away quickly.

A long pause later, Akari had said that Yogi’s memories were never really removed. Right now, the other Yogi held on to those forgotten memories. Yogi would have to get those back from his other self when he was ready. By accepting those memories successfully, he could also reconcile both sides of himself to become whole after being separated for so long.

Before the meeting had ended, Tsukitachi warned Yogi that the memories could be difficult to handle. The memories had everything to do with how Yogi was post-human, had a very… strange split personality, and most of all, ended up with Circus in the first place.

Afterwards, Yogi tried to go on with his daily life as usual. But it was extremely hard to do so with the nagging issue of his missing memories hanging at the back of his mind. In the past, he had never thought much about the past he could not remember. The present is always more important than the past. But now he knew that the past had everything to do with how he is right now, the desire to know it grew much more. He should really try to get those memories back from _him_ soon _._

Due time to visit the inner world then. Previously, Yogi only went there whenever he fell unconscious in battle or occasionally in his dreams. Now he could visit whenever he wanted, but there was the issue of _him_. For someone who was supposedly a fragment of his own personality, _he_ was difficult to deal with. 

‘Yay, you’ve come to visit~ Shall we play?’ a silver haired child asked cheerfully. For some reason,  _h_ _e_ had decided to stay in a child’s form since their last meeting instead of reverting back to an adult form. 

Yogi was about to take up on _his_ offer (even though _his_ idea of fun was twisted), before remembering that he had more pressing matters. ‘Hi, could you please—‘ Yogi mustered up all his confidence and courage to make a lofty request from his other self.

 _His_ expression changed instantly from a smile to a sneer. ‘—Give you back your memories? I heard your conversation with them. You don’t even know anything about what you’re asking for,’ he spat, with contempt laced heavily on ‘them’. How typical of those superiors to push Yogi around. And for Yogi to follow them around without questioning them much.

‘I’ve already given you a few memories… and from your reaction, you’re far from ready from getting your full memory back. So my answer is no.’

Yogi thought about what _he_ had just said. _He_ was right. Ever since that mission, the flashbacks have been more frequent than the few sparse flashbacks that occurred before. So far, there was a grand building that looked like some kind of castle or palace. Then there was also a little girl with long golden hair that had the same shade as his own golden hair. Yogi recognised this girl was the same one as the girl he saw in a briefer flashback during Yanari’s party.

Yogi is certain he had never seen her before. But somehow, he feels like he knows her for some reason… Or perhaps there was how this girl sort of reminded him of Tsukumo. And maybe how he felt so strange sense of déjà vu when he met Tsukumo for the first time.

And occasionally, these memories will be accompanied with a sharp pain on his neck. As if somebody dug their fingers deep into his neck and tried to strangle him. It was so painful that Yogi could not breathe and at times he thought that he was going to die from those neck pains. Just what had happened in his past? Had someone tried to kill him?

At the thought of it, pain racked his neck once again.  No longer able to stand, Yogi’s legs went down while he clutched on to his neck and winced in pain. He had difficulty breathing, much less speak to _him._

‘I am me. You are you. We just share the same body. You can’t continue to live while you have me inside.’

 _He_ had started to exist from fragments of the little prince’s mind when Kafka’s experiments utterly broke him to turn him into a monster. Like how Circus often reminded _him, his_ existence strained their body greatly with the high amount of energy he consumed. If _he_ was not careful, _he_ would kill them both.

‘The more you know, your identity will fade away. Even if you held on, you would end up where I am. We can’t coexist.’

If Yogi knew about his past, would he still be himself? _He_ always wondered if the Circus fighter he was speaking to now the same or separate from the prince. To _him,_ Yogi seemed to be a fake of the prince, moulded by Circus to suit their fancies.

Who do the both of them really make up? The prince of Rimhakka with no more kingdom, or the Circus fighter with the title of 'sparkling prince'? Only Hirato would have thought of such an  _wonderful_ title like this.

When the prince had been broken eleven years ago, _he_ took on all the hurt and pain. First, it was from Kafka’s experimentations. Then, Circus had isolated _him_ in their mind with the damn patch. Even though _he_ had tried to be strong, _he_ knew that _his_ sanity had left him a long time ago. It was inevitable when all _he_ could in the real world was to only kill and destroy. Which had taken a toll on _his_ psyche.

 _He_ was determined to not let history repeat itself. _He_ would do anything for him, but just not fulfil this request now. If he became like _him,_ having lost his mind from such despairing memories, Circus would no longer accept Yogi, or worse, eliminate him. _He_ would never allow that to happen.

‘I doubt your sanity in ‘wanting to save.’’

Not even truly knowing himself, how would Yogi be able to save _him_? He had realised the words he had said during their previous were so empty. But he knew that he wanted to save _him_ for sure. _He_ had looked out for him all long and suffered so much for him. It was the least he could do for _him_ …

The pain in Yogi’s neck had gradually subsided, so he turned to look at _him._ Really, the atmosphere is just way too tense. He had no idea that _he_ could be this serious too.

‘I guess… I’ll come back next time for my memories? You sure did raise many good questions. I'll think about them. Thanks… And I’ll play with you next time, I promise,’ Yogi spoke. As long as the play does not involve any psychotic laughing or stabbing, hopefully.

Having looked at _his_ forlorn expression one last time, Yogi patted _his_ head gently before walking back to the real world. He really had a lot of thinking to do before they meet the next time. 


End file.
